put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Randomize
