It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
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