the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize
