I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
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