Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
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Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
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