this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
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