he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
I can't trust your balls anymore.
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
Randomize