I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
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