Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
