Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Randomize
