You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
Randomize
