this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
He literally asked permission to hit on me
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
