y did u give ur computer a hand job?
He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
Randomize
