sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
Randomize
