Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
And then my night got REAL pukey
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
Randomize
