I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
