You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
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