any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Randomize
