went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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