A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
Randomize
