You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
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