Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
Randomize
