If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
Randomize
