someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
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