I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
Randomize
