How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
Randomize
