Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
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