just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
Randomize