I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
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