there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
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