There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
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