you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
Bring me that man meat
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
Randomize
