I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
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