So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
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