Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
Randomize
