what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
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