No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
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