I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
There's a naked man in my car right now.
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
Randomize
