Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
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