it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
Randomize