**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
