he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
