Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Randomize
