Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize