you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
