I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Randomize
