My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
Let's paint friendship bongs
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
Randomize