I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
Randomize
