I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
Randomize
