she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
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