that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
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