i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
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