his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
organizing the empties. That sober.
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
