Just fell off a train. Bad.
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Randomize
