she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
Randomize
