I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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