it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
