Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
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