Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize
