I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
Randomize
