she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
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