I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
