Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
