I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
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