I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
Randomize
